We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
