Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
