after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i've created a new STD.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
