The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
