i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
