Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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