My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
