Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
