zippers are such a cool invention
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just high enough for therapy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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