Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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