She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
