last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
