Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love you.
Bad choice
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
