ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
