God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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