Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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