THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
