I wish I could punch you in the face.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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