i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
