If i come over, it means nothing
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
