shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
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