I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
