i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
