Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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