: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
