yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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