Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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