I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
is that a dick in a sweater?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm both gender and math confused
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
