I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
