id be glad to
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
