Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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