He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
