Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
