so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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