He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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