he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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