May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
