everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
