i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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