Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
