That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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