Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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