Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
