so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
