How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
