Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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