i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
