I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
