drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
