Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
