my mouth tastes like poor choices
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
