Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
