once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
