Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
