So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
