Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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