I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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